I think this is going to be the most honest I have ever allowed myself to be, I need to put it all somewhere and I don't trust it to be anywhere else. Rafael, I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts me, I miss you so much it consumes me. I can't sleep because I am so worried about you and I have nightmares, flashes really. You being gone, dead, hurt, people using the people you love to hurt you, people trying to get information about you. All sorts of things, the worst part i

Christmas has always been one of my favorite holidays, next to halloween, and yet the magic is gone this year. It’s been gone for a while but I can usually keep it alive with love, but the people i love are indisposed of at the moment, doesn’t mean I stop loving them. In fact, I send extra love their way. But I am filled with worry and anxiety and insanity that I can’t focus on the love. I can only wish for my people to be okay, maybe even pray.